RoxyIce.com News Feed

My birthday

Roxyice — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 07:50:12 EST

Its my 42nd b-day today and Im still here. Have alot to be thankful for but I forget to do so. Im always obsessing about the little things. Miss my sister alot and Im getting closer to the only sis that I have left. My husband has made a big turn around and has lasted the last few months making changes to keep our marriage together. Cody is still awesome & doing well for himself. We will see what 2009 will bring for me and my family..bye for now!!!

Life’s uncertianty

Roxyice — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 04:57:02 EST

What can i say except life stinks and sucks and we go on everyday...i luv my husband and my son/ but even my family and i still feel sad everyday. i dont know why but my sisters death seams to effect me more than any other family member. I guess b/c she was my best friend and i looked out for her always or so i thought/ I luv both of my sisters like there was no tomorrow and that is such a hard thing to let go. I have done this more than once in my lifetime being the oldest of 4 girls with a single mom, but all from the same father. Our mother wasn’t a whore but never felt the love and companionship that she felt she needed. Anyway my mom loved us and just wanted a man to love us as his own. Never happened even way back then b/c men are perverts but anyway i would like to just remember that i loved my mom & respected her for what she tried to do. My sisters and I are stronger than we think and we should always believe in ourselves b/c we are all that we have.. time to go for now and love the family that i have left....

Saying Goodbye

Roxyice — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 06:32:20 EST

Well I said goodbye to a good friend this week. She was 34 years old and depression took its toll and she ended her life. So sad and she left behind a little one. I get so depressed myself but I would not end my life. Too many get hurt and don’t understand. I got my first Mercedes Benz and I’m excited about that. It’s and old one and I’m fixing her up but its great. Life is good right now and nothing else to report about...Till next time…

Weakness

Roxyice — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 06:16:25 EST

Well I talked big on my last entry but my husband begged to come back and stay. He says we are married no matter what the attourney might say. But he has made a big change and has been sticking to it. I told him that it was that or be gone. I have managed to pay my bills by myself and have money to spend the way I want. I’m starting to be happy and find myself again. Miss my sis alot but getting closer to the other sis at this point. Today is a good day and we will see how it goes. later!!!!

Guess What?

Roxyice — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 08:36:30 EST

Well after the stuff with my sister and being back on meds. I put the gym on hold for now but I will be going back soon. I finally got sick of my selfish, alcoholic husband and gave him the boot. Especially after I found out that he was still married to another woman when he married me 22 yrs ago. Lies and lies and cheating and being drunk and broke. Enough!! I am taking charge of my life and will figure out a way to make it all work. Miss my family alot and would move back home if the job market was better. But I have a fabulous job here so I will stay for now. Looking foward to each day now and that’s a big improvement. Well more later!!!!

Bad News

Roxyice — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 03:44:34 EST

Well I just got back from Indiana, where I had to bury my sister. She was very sick and couldn’t stay any longer. Really depressed but thank god for meds. Quit going to gym, just to tired and don’t really care about it. Going to die one day no matter what size I am. Loving my new job and the company is full of great people to work with. Spent alot of time with my family in the last week and makes you very grateful for them and the time you have. Well thats it for now!!!

Life changes

Roxyice — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 06:36:55 EST

Well its been awhile and not alot of changes. Still going to the gym and the only progress is that I’m still going. haha!!
Got more bad news last night to add to all the heartache of not having a job. My sister is very sick and I’m mean really sick not just your average not feeling well. But she is strong and has overcome alot of obstacles and I know she will be fine. I just got a call and I finally got hired for a new job and doing on a little of what I have been trained to do, and so the stress level will not be to bad. But other good things have been going on too. Earlier this month I went to my first concert and I went with my son. It was the ultimate and awesome to say the least. I went to the Projekt Revolution Tour, It was 10 bands and the main feature was Linkin Park. They are fabulous and it was a great time. I’m looking forward to my new job and so many things are going to be looking up with me having employment again. I will still go to the gym but now after work so I will have to adjust to that but its all good!!!

The old me!!!!

Roxyice — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 08:08:27 EST

I’ve been going to the Gym quite regularly and its going good. The only bad thing is I gained 10 pounds, but that’s b/c I won’t quit drinking. So guess what? I’m going to do my best to quit and for more that just loosing weight. Feeling better about alot of things. Having a career is not one of them at this time b/c of the recession. And then my husband had another heart attack 3 weeks ago. So I really have to think about my future, b/c who knows if he will be around. One bright thing in my life is my son, and as a Mom I think he is awesome. But he really is the light of my life. He has really done well for himself considering all the problems he had in school. But he turned out to be amazing and that’s to say the least. Well that’s all for now, I’m just hanging in and at least I’m not as depressed.

Things looking up!!!!

Roxyice — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 02:59:48 EST

Well, I have been going to the gym and things are going great. Once again I’m starting to find the old me. Positive outlook and depression is taking a back seat. I’m getting stronger and better with each passing day. Still have some bad habits to break but all in good time. I beat my time on the treadmill today and I’m feeling fabulous about that. I know that each day I will get stronger and more like myself. Gotta go lots to do!!!!!!!

Positive outlook

Roxyice — Thu, 22 May 2008 04:59:53 EST

Yesterday I joined the gym and today was my first day. Cody and I went around and looked at all the equipment and used a few things. Then we meet with a personal trainer, I picked him out after observing him with several different people. Rich seamed approachable and was willing to answer a couple of questions. That lead us into choosing him as out trainer. Things are looking better and today was a good day. (I’m physced) Cody and I have decided that since we have no health insurance and both require meds for depression and anxiety. That we would take the health approach, after all 22 yrs ago that’s what I knew best, so here we go!!!!!!

Yes I am losing my mind

Roxyice — Tue, 20 May 2008 11:13:16 EST

Today I had my first meltdown in the grocery store. I had a panic attack about the cost of food, and had to leave. I’m always worried about money but this was a first. I’m so sick of being weird. Nothing used to bother me and now everything does. I’m disgusted with myself over how I have let myself go and look and feel like crap. I have been drinking alot again and that doesnt help and i know that b/c I have been married to an alcoholic for 22 years. well anyway, I have got to find the inner me and get my shit together. I’m headed for a huge freakout if i don’t. I have two sisters that are crazy and on medication for it. So i’m part of the family addicts. I guess that’s it for today and we will see what another day brings...more bull shit!!!!!!!

Loosing My Mind

Roxyice — Thu, 08 May 2008 08:17:28 EST

Okay so I will give this a whirl, after all I’m 41 years old and I’m from the old school use of computers. And I never could have imagined that things would be so far advanced today.I have been using computers since high school in some capacity or another. But it seems I have so much more to learn. After working in a school system for 10 years, I took an outside job with a local contractor to do secretarial work. Which is what I have always been doing since high school. But anyhoo! I love life and I wouldn’t change anything that I have done in my life because it has made me who I am. But sometimes I feel like I have lost it, myself and what I know or knew how to do. Women have such issues with hormones and their identity. I myself am a mother of an 18 year old and a wife of 22 years. But who else am I? I no longer have a job and that’s because it became difficult to work with certain types of women. I mean the ones that just push your buttons or get on your nerves to the point of not being able to do your job. Or from the nightmare of working for a group of men who tell you that all women are stupid..Of course this was told to me a least twice a week. But back to the point, I feel crazy sometimes. I used to have meds for this, but when you have no insurance and cant afford doctor visits, then you have to rely on your inner self. You know the one you went to when you were growing up. The one that helped you keep your head on straight, that’s when you thought you had problems. (haha!). I know everybody has issues or problems “welcome to the real world” but today it’s about my problems. Don’t get me wrong mine are very small considering what some people deal with on a daily basis. But I pray that somewhere in my background and in blogging about how I feel. I will find the answers that I’m looking for without meds or alcohol. Life is to short and I want to enjoy it once again like I did years back before I realized life sucks and then you die, broke and confused.